unpublished note # ??

Kagaya ng nabanggit ko sa previous blogpost ko (tignan mo dito daLi :D) , isa ito sa dalawang sinulat ko na kinamataran ko nang i-blog na biglang nagkalat T_T. hehehe. 1st year college ko ata 'to ginawa eh. Tanda ko umiiyak pa ako habang sinusulat ko 'to. Wew! Medyo hindi ko na tanda yung rason kung bakit ko nasulat 'to.

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As a 17 y/o gal, I have lots of regrets in my life and one of them is to enjoy the happiest moment of a person's life : THE CHILDHOOD DAYS. As early as 6 years old, my mind was open to focus on my studies and to die for higher grades: To commit suicides for doing homework and project alone - without any help from my friends, siblings and even from my papa and mama. They let me do the things alone. They'd never do the same thing to my 3 older brothers. They say that it is their technique so I can learn on my own... a technique... an experiment. A successful experiment because yes, I learned and I got high grades.. higher than what I expected but lower than what they want. I tried to get higher grades but I'm always in the 4th place and I must admit that I didn't give my best because I don't want to. Why do I have to die to get 95 if 75 is the passing grade? hehehe. and why do i have to be the best if being a 4th placer was not appreciated by the people I love. The important for me before is only to focus on my studies - to do what I have to do and to learn what I have to learn - to learn more than what is needed.

I didn't waste my time for toys and barbie dolls even if my parents offered it. I didn't waste my time laughing with someone's jokes. I didn't waste my time with the things that makes other children busy. I believed that there's another time for those things. But then I realized, that what i considered 'wastes' are the days, are the moments that I will never experienced again. That I missed those chances that God give to a man's life.

So I got older and became a HighSchool Student, I try to cope with the other students, to laugh with them and I'm thankful that I met my 5 best friends that made me realized that its not too late to experience to be a little girl again, to be true to myself, to run and run and run in the school's quadrangle, to laugh and laugh and laugh, to be not that serious in life and oops... to be not that serious in studies but what's good to me is that I didn't forget the student's responsibilities. I didn't got general average lower than 88.13 and I thought that's enough. Again, for me it's enough but my parents would never ever be proud of me. They kept on questioning me, why can't I belong to section 1? Why can't I belong with the best? and they will kept comparing me with the whoever Poncio Pilato's children. They cant get rid off the words.....

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Grabe, anong klaseng kaluluwang ligaw ang sumapi sa akin para magdrama at mag-emote at mag-engLish? haha! kalokohan! xD Tanda ko humihingi ako ng suporta niyan eh, as in suporta na hindi financial support.  Putol ba? hekhek. Nawawala yung kadugtong eh. Eh basta ayun na yun. XD